Irregular Verbiage

from the desk of Colin Nicholls

Page 27 of 61

Mitchell arrives in time for Paris

Today was our last day at WonkaTech before taking our three week break, and by design it was also the day Mitchell was due to show up. Originally we weren’t sure if he was to be flying in to McCarran airport, or driving from LA, but either way the WonkaTech offices are close to where we would be picking him up from. His last email confirmed the driving plan.

He showed up at Terminal 2 at around 4:15 pm, which gave me just enough time to zoom out and pick him up and get back to the Wonka office before 5:00 pm, at which time my ID swipe card stops working. As it turned out, we got back just a few seconds after 5 which confirmed that, yes indeed, my swipe card stopped working at 5:00. Luckily a security guard let us in.

After we’d finished up at the office, we drove into the ‘Strip and parked at the Aladdin and walked to Paris for a buffet dinner.

We need a DWG

I got the following email today:

Hello,

I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

Payment can be made in Galactic Credits, Platinum gold, or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

INSTRUCTIONS MUST BE FOLLOWED EXACTLY:

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Saturday August 9th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. I will not be there prior to 2:45pm EST, (so do not transport before then).

Item is to be delivered at Majority Lane in Woburn, Massachusetts located at: Latitude N 42.49430 & Longitude W 071.14275 and the Elevation is 140 feet.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!! I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT or BLOCK THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SEND IT SO THAT THEY CANNOT REDIRECT OR BLOCK IT??? If in doubt do not transport actual unit until your method of transfer can be confirmed as a success. You just might need to send a intergalactic courier to deliver item safely to me. If so be VERY careful at how they approach me.

It is best if you send a intergalactic courier to deliver, this way you can be certain the unit arrives ok, However If you are certain that you have the means to teleport unit in a safe manner please send a (separate) email to me at: webmaster@federalfundingprogram.com only after unit has been safely delivered with payment instructions.

Do not reply directly back to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

ramtjjvjw fb mtgkm b tvqhkdguk
tyzdztcjybzqg vz i zctgl gjzj

Interestingly, Lisa got one just like it a couple of days ago. What can it mean?

Work Developments

In an extremely unexpected development, Lisa and I were asked to interview a replacement HelpDesk/FoxPro person today. It turns out that the contractor guy that we thought was a shoe-in for a permanent position as the resident company FoxPro developer at WonkaTech, has quit.

He was certainly acting like he was an employee rather than “just” a contractor. I think I’ve written before about the “tiers of worker superiority” that exists at WonkaTech. I’m sure it’s not a unique thing, but we work in an IT department where contractors are the lowest of the low… and employees tend to “lord it” over the contractors.

Anyway, this guy – let’s call him “Dave” – was doing a lot of meetings and posturing but not much actual work, which is always frustrating when they’re supposed to be looking after certain projects.

Anyway, Lisa and are on vacation for nearly 3 weeks shortly, so it was a bit of a last-minute panic to check out this new candidate.

It turns out that she’s fine, kind of self-taught but smart and keen and we think she’ll do just fine if she gets the right kind of mentoring. We’ll have about 4 days next week to kick start her into the job, if Dave doesn’t get in the way.

Magic, Seafood

To celebrate my birthday, after work today Lisa and I went to the Rio to enjoy the Seafood Buffet and then see Penn & Teller’s show.

The buffet was very good, although way too loud and distracting.

Penn & Teller had some enjoyable moments, but on the whole the show was not much more enjoyable than their TV specials. We walked out feeling that Penn gets his inspiration and energy from some seriously repressed bitterness.

On Sliding Scales of Cool

For the last week we’ve had thunderstorms of varying intensities, at least one a day. Sometimes it rains as well. They say it is monsoon season.

It’s great to wander around outside and not think about how hot it is. It’s also weird to think of any temperature below 100 to be cool! The human body seems to have a sliding scale of what “cool” is. Just like annual fashion.

Speaking of water, or the lack of it, the Walter Utility have finally put their rates up. Too little too late in my opinion, but every incentive to save water helps. Frankly I think the big hotels could mothball their water features as an example of conservation, and the many golf course could revise their landscaping a bit too.

Of matters of Size and Shape

Around about 200 BC, a Greek called Eratosthenes measured the size of the world.

Eratosthenes hung out in the library at Alexandria, which was basically the richest university town that ever was. A lot of travellers passed through Alexandria (and were consequently “persuaded” to donate their books to the library, in exchange for a copy when they left – but that’s another story.)

Eratoshenes got to hear a lot of unusual and interesting tales, one of which was that there was a deep well in Syene where the Sun shone upon the waters at the bottom on the longest day of the year.

Now, the Greeks were pretty cool. They already accepted that the Earth was round, because they were quite good with angles and stuff, and had observed that the path the Sun moves across the sky (the “ecliptic”) not only wiggles back and forth with the seasons, but wiggles back and forth in different places, depending on how far North from which you make your observations.

They called these extremes of movement of the ecliptic the “Tropics”, because tropos is the Greek word for “turn”. These extremes occur when the constellations Cancer and Capricorn appear in the sky, hence became to be called the “Tropic of Cancer”, and the “Tropic of Capricorn” respectively.

They also observed that, if you traveled far enough South, you eventually got to a point where the noon-day Sun is directly overhead at a time when the ecliptic is equally between the two tropic extremes – and thus they called the line along the Earth at which this happens, the “Equator”.

The Greeks estimated that the angle that the Sun makes with the equator at the tropical extremes was 24 degrees (which was pretty accurate – it’s actually 23 1/2).

So when Eratosthenes heard the story about the well at Syene, he knew it must be located on or near the northern edge of the tropics. But he also knew that the Sun was not directly overhead in Alexandria at that time, as he could see shadows cast by the noon-day Sun.

On the longest day of the year, June 21st, when the Sun was directly overhead in Syene, Eratosthenes used a convenient perpendicular obelisk with a known height, and measured the noon-day shadow. Then, using geometry, he calculated that in Alexandria the Sun was at an angle of 7 1/5 degrees, while in Syene, the Sun was presumably at an angle of 0 degrees (being directly overhead). 7.2 degrees is one 50th of a full circle of 360 degrees, which means however far away Syene was from Alexandra, that distance represented one fiftieth of the total circumference of the Earth.

So all it took was for some poor schlub to be sent out to pace off an accurate measurement of the distance between Alexandria and Syene – 5000 stadia – which Eratosthenes then mulitplied by 50, to yield a total Earthly circumference of 250,000 stadia, or 46,000 kilometers.

These days we know the actual circumference is 40,000 km, so he got it pretty much right, despite a number of minor errors that effectively cancelled each other out.

Now, I think that was pretty cool. But this story isn’t about Eratosthenes; it’s about Claudius Ptolemy.

Claudius Ptolemy lived in Alexandria too, but about 350 years later than Eratosthenes. He was the most reknowned scholar in Alexandria at the time, and is famous for editing two massive tomes  of compiled knowledge called, respectively, “Almagest” – an encyclopaedia; and “Geography”, which was essentially an Atlas. In these books he documented and extended many mathematic and scientific principles. For example, he proposed subdividing angles into minutes and seconds rather than using clumsy fractions of a degree; pre-empted Occam by stating that “for the best explanation of any phenomenon one should adopt the simplest one that explains and does not contradict the observations”; developed the principles of drawing maps to a consistent scale; practically invented lattitude and longitude as a mapping co-ordinate system; proposed using detailed, larger-scale maps to show areas about which more detail was known; and invented his own mapping system to get around the problems of projecting a spherical surface area on to a flat piece of paper.

Because Ptolemy was so thorough and generally excellent, his work was very influential, and therefore, along with all the good knowledge, several unfortunate errors and prejudices were perpetuated and accepted into the “common knowledge”. One of these was his rejection of a theory of Aristarchus, who 50 years before Eratosthenes’ time, had proposed that that the Earth revolved around the Sun. Ptolemy adapted Aristotle’s Earth-centered scheme and made it a central premise in his encyclopaedia. It wasn’t until the 1500’s that Copernicus famously re-introduced the concept of a heliocentric universe.

Ptolemy made another, more consequential error in his Geography volume. He rejected Eratosthene’s measurement of the Earth’s circumference, and prepared his maps with an alternative estimation that was 3/4 of the size. He also assumed that the breadth of the “known” world extended East to cover 180 degrees – one complete hemisphere – of the Earth.

It was these two errors, propagated through history, that enabled Columbus to seriously propose launching an expedition to sail West in a quest to locate new trade routes to Asia: if he had known the true distance he would have had to sail, he almost certainly would not have attempted it.

Oh, and the book of the month is The Mapmakers, by John Noble Wilford, from which I learned most of the above information.

Mars, the bringer of Lack-of-Sleep

We were working late into the evening at home last night, but about 12:30 we stopped and I lugged the telescope outside to take a look at Mars, which was well up in the South-East sky by that time. We got a fabulous view, certainly the best I’ve ever seen it. The 9mm eyepeice resolved the planet into a small pink disc, with one of the polar ice caps clearly visible.

It’s a shame that Mars rises so late, because it’s a great sight and most people aren’t going to stay up to enjoy it, or get up early enough to see it setting.

Maximum Zeusage

Sometimes Nature has a way of, well, jolting you when you get too cocky. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in our living room testing out the wireless network coverage in the house, watching a music DVD, and generally trying to do some work whilst reading my camera’s user manual. I found a web site called www.digi-darkroom.com with a forum for owners of my model camera, a Fuji Finepix S602z. One of the posts there was a question on how to photograph lightning.

Since no-one had pointed out that – at least at night – you can get good results with a tripod and a 15-second exposure, I did so, and posted a photo I took a couple of years back when we had that cool storm. It didn’t matter that the camera I used at the time was the Kodak DC265.

(Since then, by the way, I have taken better shots of lighting. Still nothing to boast about, though.)

Anyway, I got some good comments about the picture and the (obvious) technique.

Here’s the thing: Last night we had a terrific lightning storm. Lisa and I had actually gone to bed, but the flicker and boom piqued my interest and I had to go outside and enjoy the show, standing in our driveway in my t-shirt and boxers in the warm and unusually humid air. I love thunderstorms. Every now and then water drops would spatter down, and hit the hot concrete, steaming.

The lightning would flicker from cloud to cloud, darting around the valley, and then suddenly this huge potential build-up would finally discharge from the sky to the ground in an electric-blue thread of energy, repeating this pattern over and over again.

It reminded me a lot of the old tilting bucket fountain in Cuba Street, Wellington.  Only with more ozone.

So, the point of my story is that I went in to get my camera to see if I could get some of this on film (well, on memory chip) but I didn’t know how to set up a 15 second timed exposure on this newfangled contraption. See, when I try to do three things at once (see first paragraph) I end up not really doing any of them. I still need to read the manual…

The storm was over at about midnight, but at 3:45 am we were woken up with an almighty clap of thunder over our heads. “Close enough for you?” said Lisa. I pretended to be asleep.

Grooming

Kami got groomed at PetCo today. Last time we were there we were given a $5 off coupon to use, so we figured that Kami would enjoy getting groomed and maybe she’d shed less.

Karen the groomer said it’d take about 40 minutes, which was enough time for us to scoot into Summerlin and collect some items of wedding clothing from the Maggie the Tailor. We’d left her with a pair of my pants that needed hemming, and Lisa had a jacket and matching pants that likewise needed adjustment.

We got back in plenty of time to see Kami get dried off and brushed (again). Lisa took plenty of photos of the event.

Catching up at work

In the last few weeks our life has fallen into a pattern: Mondays to Wednesdays we work at WonkaTech, commuting down the valley to the offices south of McCarran Airport. Then, on Thursdays and Fridays we work from home, ostensibly working for our Other Client* on future versions of their product, StigmaBase.*

Now that we have been granted VPN access to the network (VPN = Virtual Private Networking, i.e. remote access to the internal LAN) we actually end up doing additional work and support on WonkaTech projects, and our working week spills into the weekend as it always has.

But that’s ok. Working from home two days a week is definitely more comfortable than commuting 5 days a week, so we’ll take it.

We don’t know how long the (non)contract with WonkaTech will last, but lately they’ve been good about our flexible hours, and at this point we’re reasonably sure that after our two-week absence in August (Josh and Anna are getting married!) they will, in fact, want us back.

(*) Editors note, August 2020: At the time I originally wrote this post, I was being coy about who we were working for and what we were working on, but with 2020 hindsight (ha!) it does seem a little precious. Oh well. I’ll let it stand.

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2025 Irregular Verbiage

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑