It has been a sad several months here, watching my Dad slowly leave.
Today is the end of this time of watching anxiously and wondering how it was going, how it would go.
Dad, I thought I was going to sing you Mi-a sama and Mairzy doats on the phone this morning. Two silly songs that belonged to us together, because we have always been a bit goofy together, and because music has always been the best way of reaching out to you even when you were no longer singing.
Today I can’t sing either. Yesterday’s call turns out to have been the last time the phone could bring us together. I said everything I wanted to, and I know you heard and understood it.
There was no real “last conversation”. The conversations will just be in my head now. Today I will add this: Tod and I were your pair of deuces, Dad. And we know that you knew it was a winning hand.
Tonight I will put some pepper in my wonton soup and make absolutely sure not to have any ice in my glass.
Next week I will watch “A Thousand Clowns” and remember again why you are always my hero.
Dadwahr, we didn’t say goodbye, because we don’t need to.
I miss you and I never will miss you.