It has been a sad several months here, watching my Dad slowly leave.
Today is the end of this time of watching anxiously and wondering how it was going, how it would go.
Dad, I thought I was going to sing you Mi-a sama and Mairzy doats on the phone this morning. Two silly songs that belonged to us together, because we have always been a bit goofy together, and because music has always been the best way of reaching out to you even when you were no longer singing.
Today I can’t sing either. Yesterday’s call turns out to have been the last time the phone could bring us together. I said everything I wanted to, and I know you heard and understood it.
There was no real “last conversation”. The conversations will just be in my head now. Today I will add this: Tod and I were your pair of deuces, Dad. And we know that you knew it was a winning hand.
Tonight I will put some pepper in my wonton soup and make absolutely sure not to have any ice in my glass.
Next week I will watch “A Thousand Clowns” and remember again why you are always my hero.
Someday I will tell Jonah more about you than he is able to remember for himself, and more than his father can help Jonah remember on his own. You will be one of their heroes, too.
Dadwahr, we didn’t say goodbye, because we don’t need to.
I miss you and I never will miss you.
